There are certain things that are not discussed in life, finances and personal life and possibly sex and who you voted for last. At the moment a few of those are ailing me and since there is no one in my life to spill this too I am going to do it on here with hopes that someone might read this and have advice.

I lost my ride a week or two ago and then lost my job the day before Christmas. On top of that my employer belives that I stole from him and no matter what I say he does not want to seem to believe anything other than that. My situation on the home front was bleak before this, I was figuring having to move out in the next few weeks, and that was with the job. I have no real place to go and no real vehicle to get me to a potential job. At 30 I feel utterly alone at this moment.

"Poof" then it hits that little voice in the back of my mind with the poise of a freight train barreling off a cliff whistles blowing "WHAT ABOUT ME" Now I know who is saying that though I want to sit here an wallow in my pitty a little longer, then here is the voice again, "what about me" the voice says over and over. Multiple personalities one would inquire, alas "no". Just trying in my own flesh to shut God out. Obviously that is not going to work, even while I am writing this my mind is racing about, trying to think of ways to save myself. In the end I understand the envitible God's will, will prevail and I must let go and let God as everyone says.

"THOUGH WHAT DO YOU DO TILL THEN, OR WHEN THEN ARRIVES???" When talking to God and being a new Christian who is not familiar with talking to God, not knowing when or how to listen effectivly and also knowing that everything is riding on this conversation that you do not even understand how you are an effective part of, you feel totally helpless, as I do now.

I am sitting here tearing up, not fearful so much as I am sad just not knowing what to do. The sun will come up in the morning and if I breathe in the air a new I will have to make "it" work.
People have told me this is a "good" thing, a "learning" expirience, something to make you "stronger". You know those people should stay away from writing inspirational books. (giggling)

I want to walk in my faith and it amazes me after saying that how when I am in the pinch I am still so scared of the unknown. I know he is with me, even though I can not understand it at times I realize God is there.

I use to be scared about dying though at the moment living is fearful, I guess I just wish I wasn't feeling so alone. My sister always tells me that I have God and I realize that but does it make me less of a person to still feel alone ?

I feel confused I guess.